POEM: Every Year You Die Again

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Though it has been
Twenty four years
Since you took your life
There are days
When I feel you
In my cells
Emanating life force
I’m transported
To the shade
Of our avocado tree
In Florida
Where you rocked me
Back and forth
When I could still fit
Into your lap
I looked up at you
And saw my goddess
I could feel you then
Imprinting upon my soul
Everything blurs together
And in another moment
We are in the hills of Spain
Your bags laden with wild blackberries
Your hands smeared with
Their sweet juices
I’d tug on your shirt
And you’d dig into the sling
Giving your baby love
Giving your baby sustenance
Every year on this day
You die again
And I am left
Yearning for your hands
To feed me
To heal me
To make this sickness
Of loving you
Stop churning inside.