My Pot Plant Does Not Want to Eat Your Kid

Share this with your friends

Witches Weed at 3D Cannabis Center in Denver/PHOTO: Diane Fornbacher for Ladybud Magazine

I live in Highlands Ranch, CO in Douglas County, which is one of the more conservative counties when it comes to cannabis. There are no dispensaries here. We have to grow our own quietly indoors because we definitely can’t do it outdoors. That’s true for the majority of this state. I have seen very few grows outside in Colorado (but I can’t reveal the locations of course).

Don’t get me wrong — I am so grateful for the state legalization law here. I can have up to twelve plants at one time growing in my home. I can go into Denver or several other towns and cities and get cannabis in many preparations if I’m not in the mood for raw plant matter. Glycerin-based tinctures, 10 mg doses of edible in lozenge form or gummies, artisan oat bars in tiny, cute packaging. I can give my best friend an ounce! I am very grateful, seriously.

I’m just sad sometimes as I look out of my back window at the oregano, rosemary, basil, and lemon thyme. They look like they could use a friend. That friend would likely grow much faster than all of them but would provide a beautiful canopy under which they might take some refuge from the high elevation that brings us over a mile closer to the great orb, our sun.

I won’t lie; I even have visions of us celebrating the plant by putting ornaments on it or leaving tiny notes in between the pungent nuggets with fortune cookie witticisms and laying pretty stones at the stems. We’d cover the plant in ladybugs and watch them climb and stumble over the beautiful leaves and hide in secret places that we’d giddily find and Instagram incessantly. I would talk to my plants, thanking them for giving us so much life, happiness, and medicine.


Feed me, Seymour! Feed me!

But we are told to lock up our plant matter; we are told to put our plants and preparations in locked areas so that kids cannot obtain cannabis. It is made to sound dangerous, and I get the impression some think cannabis would eat children alive like Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors. I can list hundreds of plants more dangerous than cannabis will ever be — like thorned roses and berry bushes or poison ivy for instance. Man, if a kid or anyone for that matter ever tried smoking that, my goodness! But I still don’t want any of the aforementioned plants made illegal. And I certainly don’t want to put them in my basement where no one but me could see their beauty. Cannabis plants are some of the most beautiful plants I have ever seen!

We are told that putting our plants in our homes will reduce robbery. Some people can’t keep their hands off of this beautiful plant and would steal just to have some. If we were all allowed to grow freely outdoors, there would be less incentive to even think about jumping into the neighbor’s yard to lift their plants because it would be everywhere!

Cannabis is kept indoors and cannot drink rain directly from the sky. The plants cannot feel the sun and are instead relegated to artificial sources of light, depending on the grid for sustenance. I find this quite sad and frankly, it also makes me very angry. I don’t just feel for the plants; we’d all be able to significantly reduce our carbon footprints if we grew out of doors.

What do you think? Feel free to share your opinions in the comment section below!