NSFW: A Lady’s Guide to Enjoying Anal Experimentation (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Love the Buttsex)

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WARNING: This article is written for women, and it is structured in a way that implies your partner is male. Most of the tips can easily apply to anyone, however, whether they’re using a sex toy or a sex organ. It is also assumed there is monogamous relationship where there is mutual trust and respect. First time anal sex is probably not going to be fun if it happens during a one-night stand. You’ve been warned.

I’ve got a dirty secret: I love anal sex. Yes, there’s a bit of a cultural taboo surrounding it, but for some of us that just adds to the sexiness. It’s intense, it’s fun, and it’s pleasurable when it’s done right. A lot of women are scared to even consider anal sex, but I’m here to tell you it can be very enjoyable.

If you’re both patient, you (the recipient) take the time to relax, and you’re using enough of the right lube, it won’t hurt. It will actually feel pretty good. I speak from experience.

In fact, if we’re being perfectly blunt, there’s a much better chance of me reaching orgasm during anal sex than there is during standard vaginal sex. There really aren’t that many nerve endings inside the vaginal canal, but the same is not true of your derriere.

So let’s handle the biggest concern every woman has about anal sex right off the bat: they’re expecting it to hurt. Really, really hurt.

Here’s the truth: if he’s hung like Jonah Falcon, it will probably hurt even if you relax and use lube, at least at first. Your average male, however, won’t really stretch anything beyond natural limits, so it doesn’t have to hurt. If your partner tries to go to town on your brown with an education garnered from porn, it’s probably going to be unpleasant for you.

Of course, hetero anal porn isn’t meant to be instructive, it’s meant to be sexy (to their target audience, mostly straight men). Still, porn can be very useful in some ways. For example, watching a porn involving anal penetration may be a great way to start a conversation about it with your partner. It may also give you a chance to explore both of your preconceived notions about this sex act and talk about how your actual experience may differ from what you see in XXX films.

I know other women who have written here at Ladybud not particularly liking anal sex, but that’s the beauty of opinions (like assholes); we’ve all got ’em. Some are just more flexible (or elastic) than others.

So, if you’re curious about some backdoor experimentation, read on for my tips to actually enjoying anal sex:

1. Don’t do it unless you actually want to. This should go without saying, but I’d wager a lot of women who’ve tried it once and won’t again probably weren’t entirely comfortable with the idea the first time and were trying it to make someone else happy.

2. Try experimenting a little by yourself at first. Try a finger (but trim your nails first) or better yet, try a sex toy.

3. Sex toys for anal penetration should be used solely for that purpose. Be sure the toy you use has a flared base for anal insertion (to keep it from getting lost) and wash it thoroughly with antibacterial soap before and after every use.

4. Once you feel comfortable about your personal explorations, try talking about it with your partner well before you’re headed to the bedroom. Let them know you’re interested. Talk about expectations, past experiences, and what you hope to get out of the encounter (other than hopefully a matching set of His and Her orgasms). Plan your first few backdoor romps ahead of time, and make sure supplies are readily available well before you start getting into the mood.

5. Some people will perform an enema before a planned anal sex session. While this may be prudent depending on your diet and your digestive tract, I’ve found that it can sometimes cause more issues than it solves. While you don’t need a colonic before anal sex, you do want to ensure you’ve had a recent (within the last 2-3 hours) bowel movement, to ensure nothing massive (like last night’s burrito) is waiting in the colon.

6. Set the mood by getting turned on and relaxed. This is one of the most important steps. Spark a doobie, or better yet, take a giant dab (or glob, as people call the big ones). If you drink alcohol, a glass of wine probably won’t hurt.

7. Seriously, I can not underscore enough how important foreplay is to anal sex.

8. Use lube! Your best bet is a silicone-based lubricant because they won’t damage latex and won’t get tacky or useless after a while the way some water-based lubes can.

9. Take it slow. This is more for your partner than for you. He’s going to need to rein in his enthusiasm, and it’s going to take some self-control. If it hurts, he should either stop or pull out and give it a few minutes before trying again.

10. Understand that it might not work out the first time you try. Try to remember your man is probably pretty worked up. Have him wash with soap, change condoms, and then demonstrate your gratitude for his patience however you see fit.

11. If you do move on to other sex acts, remember that nothing that goes in your rectum should go anywhere else (your vagina or your mouth) without being cleaned first (or having the condom changed, or both).

12. The base of the head of the penis is generally the widest part of the penis. This means that there can be a little instant of pain right before things get much less difficult. If he says that you’re almost there (since he’ll probably be able to see better than you can), and you think you can handle it, take a deep breath, relax, and try touching yourself.

13. Press your hot button. Stimulating your clitoris during the initial penetration can help you maintain arousal, decrease your tension/anxiety, and otherwise just enjoy what you’re experiencing.

14. Don’t stop stimulating yourself when he’s inside you. Use a vibrator or have him reach around if he’s good with his hands. Trust me. You’ll have a great orgasm.

15. Condoms help with clean-up, but expect a brief shower. Of course, in a monogamous relationship, one of the best things about anal sex is that it can be a barrier-free sex option if you’re concerned about conception.

16. Speaking of clean-up, you’ll have a few strange experiences in the bathroom, either on the toilet or in the shower, after the fact. Any lube inside you will be coming back out, as will anything your partner may have left behind (if a condom wasn’t used). Make sure your partner knows to give you a few minutes of privacy for clean-up.

17. Some minor cramping (like light premenstrual cramps) is not uncommon after the first few times you experiment with anal sex. Not everyone has them, but if you do, rest assured there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s also possible, especially if there’s a major size discrepancy or if you were stingy with the lube, that there may be minor tearing of the anal tissue and some spotting or bleeding as a result. This is nothing different than the same kind of minor friction tears vaginal sex can cause without proper lubrication, and as long as it is light and only appears within the first few hours after your romp, it’s nothing to worry about.

If you follow these basic guidelines, they should help you experiment with your interest in anal sex. The first rule is the most important: don’t do it unless you want to, end of story. Be safe, listen to your body, and have fun!