Signs You Might Be A Pot Mom Activist

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PHOTO CREDIT: Sabrina Fendrick/NORML

• You don’t have a sitter for 420 festivities while working at the High Times Cannabis Cup for the NORML Women’s Alliance booth because the one you found got entered into the extract competition that same weekend.

• There are no clean shirts in the dresser except manly square cut promo cannabis leaf t-shirts and you’re in a rush to get the kids at school. You opt for the plain Mossimo tee from Target that you’ve been wearing for three days instead so you don’t get an unnecessary visit from CPS.

 On “Bring Your Kid To Work Day,” you bring your kid to testimony at a statehouse to testify in favor of changes to medical marijuana law restrictictions but have to leave early because the poor thing has diarrhea right before you were supposed to present your argument.

• On another “Bring Your Kid To Work Day”, you have to find the extract specialist babysitter to stay home with the children because you are doing a photo shoot for a cannabis store and escorting people on tours of a grow facility. Kids are not allowed.


“Sorry kids, you can’t come with me to the grow today.” Photo: Grape God at 3D Cannabis Center in Denver/Diane Fornbacher

• You bring your child to a peaceful vigil at the New Jersey Statehouse for a deceased activist. Cops come, threaten to arrest all of you and the child bawls something about “President Lincoln’s disappointment in America” in the car on the way home.

• You are honest with your children about cannabis as a medicine, food and environmental asset. One of the kids talks about it in school and you get a CPS visit based on the mention of hemp. Charges of neglect are brought against you, then dropped thanks to your awesome civil rights attorney and the assertion of your rights at the surprised and frightened CPS investigators.

• You’ve had a long  and serious talk with your child about being careful sharing cannabis education at school because of “what happened the last time.” Your heart aches for your family and your country. Kid has to attend a year of therapy to start feeling safe in his own house again.

• You have to have a lockbox for your medicine but your neighbor doesn’t for their alcohol. This stirs angry feelings in your belly.

• When asked to do news interviews, you are asked to use cannabis on camera like a trick pony. When you refuse, the reporters seem confused as to why you wouldn’t want to put your family in peril for other people’s entertainment.

• After a show, convention, or civil disobedience protest, you have to come home, change your skunk-y smelling clothes and shower before going to the school to get your kids even though you did not partake in the sacrament earlier in the day because you had to stay linear.

• Parents outside of the elementary school densely ask for “free samples” while you’re both waiting for kids to get out after they’ve seen you on the news. They don’t understand why you don’t see the humor in it and are even more confused when you don’t spark up immediately and pass them a doober.

• Some parents won’t let your kids play with their kids because of your job and other parents who never gave you or your kids a chance before start calling you for playdates once they find out what you do thinking you’ll be their new pot dude.

• You own a bullhorn because it comes in handy to get a message across politically and at home when the kids or partner pretend they can’t hear you.

• You might have an arrest record for possession of cannabis and disorderly conduct & violation of noise control ordinance. You also might have won that case against you and bought your first car with the money you earned when you sued ($1500).

• You got fired from a daycare job because of your cannabis possession record that took 6 months to process. Meanwhile, the lady in the infant class who yells at babies that you talked to the director about gets to keep her job because “her record is clean.”

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“Those aren’t nugs you’re smelling, mom.”

• Driving on the highway next to dense forest, the kids smell skunk spray and recoil as you smile blissfully thinking “that smells like some really good shit.”

• Meetings of city-dwelling hipsters without kids wonder why you’re perpetually late to cannabis organizational meetings that don’t have babysitting or reimbursement for gas and tolls and are scheduled around dinner/bedtime story witching hours.

• You light your kids’ birthday candles with samples of Hemp Wick that you got at the CHAMPS show in Atlantic City while representing SKUNK Magazine as managing editor.

• You have to drape long scarves over your bookcases, dressers, filing cabinets, suitcases and steamer trunk because of all the pot movement and industry promo stickers when selling your house so the real estate agent can take pictures for the MLS listing and give tours.

• Elected officials who used to be afraid of the “pot question” at town hall meetings when you would stand up and ask about their stance on legalization years back now refer to you as their “pot friend” when making introductions.

• Politicians running for office now not only ask you for more money but also just call to “shoot the shit” and ask about your hopefully rich pot friends in the industry to help them win a seat in Congress.