Why Do Some Men Hate Love?

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PHOTO: Glenn Harper, Creative Commons

What makes another person attractive to you? Is it their eyes? Their hair? The way they smell? If you’re a heterosexual living in a progressive city like Seattle, San Francisco, or New York, the chances of running into someone you find attractive is pretty good. Similarly, the chances that someone else finds you attractive should also increase.  Thanks, probability! High five! Those chances will also include a larger community of homosexuals who may also find you attractive.

For some people, especially men who haven’t experienced gay culture, that can be very uncomfortable and can even cause aggressive responses when they are engaged or on the receiving end of a flirtation.

But why? Why are people, especially men, afraid or feel threatened when complimented and approached by non-heterosexuals?

I am currently living on the edge of Seattle’s predominantly trendy, orientation-friendly area Capital Hill.  Walking around town or going out to a bar with friends, I find that I sometimes get hit on by gay men – some nights,I get hit on by gay guys more than I do by heterosexual women.

Now, a lot of straight guys are put off by the thought of another guy finding them attractive. Honestly, fellas: some of us should be happy anyone is paying attention at all considering how some of us take care of ourselves.

I’ve always considered myself a heterosexual, but in my 20’s I “experimented” and kissed a couple of different men to see if maybe I was interested. Sorry fellas, but I’m not. I didn’t find myself attracted to men like I find myself attracted to women. But that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that a man is attractive or that I can’t say that he is handsome.  Lord knows if you let me, I’ll sing to you about my love for Brad Pitt:

Very rarely will you ever see a woman turning down a compliment from another woman or getting angry at another woman for complimenting her.  Now, that’s not saying that there isn’t a complex system of how those compliments are delivered and handled in between women, because there is.  But that is a topic I am not going anywhere near without a legal team and a bodyguard.  Let’s just keep it simple and accept that women for the most part are excited to get compliments from other women.

As a vocal supporter for civil rights and an ally to the LGBT community I have and will continue to support many of my family members and friends who choose what they feel is a comfortable lifestyle for them.  While I’m personally not romantically interested in men, I do have to say that it is rather nice to know that someone is attracted to me, even if they aren’t of the gender to which I am attracted.  To know that someone out there likes me because of who I am – or hell, even vainly for what I look like – is a pretty damn good feeling.  Honestly, how could you get mad because someone thinks that you are good looking or thinks you are funny?

Tight JeansSo guys, when a gay man compliments you on your outfit or tells you that you’re handsome, you need to realize a few things:  One, while he might find you attractive, he’s probably not trying to sleep with any of the women at the social event you’re at.  This is a bonus since you’ll have less competition hitting on them if you’re single.  And two, he probably has lady friends there who he is going to talk to about the cute guy he saw (you), so don’t burn down potential bridges, you fools!  Just smile and say thanks and chat him up about sports or any other general topic – yes, there are gay men who like sports just like there are straight men who don’t care for sports.

What is life all about, after all?  It’s about experience.  So while straight men across the world might not be asking their best friends how their asses look in their jeans on a Friday night, having another man compliment you isn’t going to kill you, or turn you gay, or do anything but build your self esteem.  And hell – maybe if things haven’t been working out with women lately,  you could also decide to just take a chance and have an experience that you didn’t know you might like.