I Paid My Student Loan Debt On A Stripper Pole

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I feel like I need to offer an alternative viewpoint on how to address debt, school, career options and investing for young women, but I don’t want to glamorize nor condone becoming a stripper.

I graduated with a B.S. in Chemistry from a mid-tier school when I was 25-years-old. I knew by the end of the degree that research and hands on science wasn’t for me; however, accepted an adult job working in Silicon Valley at a small company because I needed money and felt obligated to at least give adulthood a try. I discovered gogo dancing i.e. diet stripping, during my last quarter of college and had to give it up in order to cater to my 60 hour a week big person job. I was so awesome at this job I lasted a whopping 2 months. I took the last bit of money I got from the job, partied my ass off with it and then moved into mom’s with less than $100 to my name. I hope you’re thinking what I am – WHAT A LOSER. I did something really wrong.

And then I did something really right. I got desperate for money, so I walked into the nearest strip club and asked them for a loan to buy the $200 permit to strip. I knew how it worked from my brief stint as a gogo dancer, so I said fuck it and bit the bullet.

Today I work in Las Vegas at two different strip clubs, one of which is called Sapphires – the biggest strip club in the world. One customer accurately pinned it as “a ruthlessly efficient place.” If you work here, you’re making at least $80,000 a year working part time. It’s where the pros go to tap out and cash in. You’re basically a small fish in a big, deep polluted lake. A small, wallet-gobbling piranha fish to put it exact.

Most of these undercover sharks do not have any college education, any sense of saving money nor any plans for their futures once their expiration dates are up. But we’ve all heard about plenty of women becoming exotic dancers to get through school, right? Ok… so, where the hell are they? I have personally yet to meet these pre-med hookers. They’re like four-leaf clovers. I know they are out there, but they clearly are few and far in between. But let’s forget them for now, I’d like to propose a better way to get through school.

I’m going to go to law school. I’m on round two of the LSAT. No kids. No pimp. And I don’t have an ounce of debt.  And I own a nice chunk of stock. It panned out this way because I put the horse before the cart – I got my credentials done and then decided to give the degenerate route a try once I realized I had amassed a mountain of medical, dental and academic debt without any 5-, 10-, 20- year plan for myself. This is how I unfucked myself.