Can You Call Yourself ‘Drug Free’ If You Use Prescribed Pharmaceuticals?

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Blessings to you Mary Jane Doe,

I’m a vegan Earth mother with a cornucopia of organic foods and natural remedies filling my kitchen and home. I’ve been taking the sacrament of high CBD Cannabis for my pain for years and it has been working great. (I used to be a long-distance runner until my knees exploded. Ugh. Shorter distances now.)

My mom and I are fighting a lot lately. She is super convinced that HER doctor practices REAL medicine and my all-natural approach is bad for me and not science. She told me last week cannabis doctors are just “snake-oil stoners” and her doctor prescribes only real medications.

This harshes my mellow, but I really can’t help but notice my previously healthy mom is now on six daily prescription medications and seems to have lost her fucking mind over the last few years. She loves to brag that she is “drug-free” because she doesn’t drink any alcohol.

Who’s right?

Confused Cammy from Cali

Hi CaliCammy,

“He doesn’t do drugs. He was on some medication the doctor ordered.”

Let that statement sink in.

As your mother demonstrated perfectly, the media has successfully won in their decades-long vocabulary management operation to convince nearly all of us that pharmaceutical-industry medications are good for you while natural, neutraceutical, supplemental or “street” drugs are bad for you. Even the words themselves have starkly different connotations. Drug, bad. Medication, good.

Fact. It is indisputable we are becoming a culture of mass psychoactive drug abuse: Prozac – Zoloft – Paxil – Adderall – Benadryl – Ritalin – Clozaril – Seroquel – Depakote – Abilify – Effexor – Welbutrin – Sarafem – Lamictal – Ambien – Cymbalta – Celexa – Lexapro – Lithium – Strattera – Trazodone – Xanax.

Xanax. Fucking Xanax! Xanax, like all benzodiazepines, are generally terrible.

The benzos are any of a particular molecular configuration that act as short-acting, psychoactive sedative “anti-anxiety” compounds. If your mom was otherwise healthy and now she’s on “six daily prescription medications,” there’s a pretty good chance she’s on a benzo.

Remember Librium? That was 1960, Valium hit in ’63. Ativan? 1977. Dalmane? Restoril? Klonopin? Xanax. The newer shit same as the same old shit, which now includes rapefave Rohypnol. What?! A near-instant onset, cognitive impairment inducing amnesiac dissociative! Hooray!! Roof, roof!

Hilarious rape-drug jokes aside, know this: Benzos are ALL totally rock-and-roll addictive,  rape-y or not, and the withdrawal experience following long-term use of any of them ranges from terribly unpleasant to fucking deadly.

So, as she so defensively pointed out, at least your mom isn’t mixing benzos with booze, right? That would be a clear contraindication for benzo administration. (It says so right there on the exploding 4-point arial poster-sized insert that unfortunately few ever actually read.)

Good thing nobody ever takes ’em with booze.

OH! and the booze. The Four Lokos and the disgusting hiphopwhore binge-drinking Red Bull-whatever-and-malt-liquor slurries and the Adult Chocolate Milk in delicious sticky strawberry– there’s been no abatement of our planet’s tsunami of substandard booze to rinse down our retarding pharmamentarium… poured down adjacent our smoldering, cancerous mine shafts of nicotine, the tragic childhood chemistry-set fire that is “5-Hour Energy,” a veritable ocean of shitty, burned-to-shit bittershitty fucking Starbucks brown caffeine water!

Tell me just one more time how we’re a drug-free culture, mom?

So, “He doesn’t do drugs. He was on some medication the doctor ordered.” I’m quoting Tennis Maynard’s godmother, Glenda Fischer, right after Tennis shot Eugene Crum, the Sheriff of Mingo County, West Virginia, point-blank dead on his lunch break a couple weeks back.

He shot the Sheriff.

Well, shucks! At least he wasn’t on the drugs.

Your mother, and much of society-at-large it would seem, is just as confused as Glenda. But their confusion is not because the subject matter is challenging. Their confusion is deliberate, and the result of the media, government and pharmaceutical industry double-speak and distortions. Amongst the results? Drug pushing, self-righteous moms and a drug store on every corner.

I suspect you, personally, already know the Truth. If industry-self-regulated, poorly-tested petroleum-derived synthetics are “medicine,” then Cannabis is medicine too. Medicines. It must be.

A gentle reminder to your mother, Cammy, at the appropriate moment: Number of accidental human Cannabis overdose fatalities to date: zero.

“A gentle reminder to your mother, Cammy, at the appropriate moment: Number of accidental human Cannabis overdose fatalities to date: zero.”

Overused factoid?  totally.

Paracelsus* famously wrote “All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous.”

Toxicology gold, that, and very metal. (As in heavy metal, like zinc). Toxicologically-speaking, though, let us not pretend for one stinky moment that Cannabis plants getting yanked out of the living earth, stuffed into a pipe and smoked haven’t received just a bit more real-world testing over the course of 3,000+ years of global and pervasive human use, as compared to, say, Xanax, circa 1981.

If we’re going to societally concede the pharmaceutical industry-funded psychiatrists themselves are allowed to define which synthetic compounds are best to “treat” your particular skull-full-of-50-years-worth-of-fucked-up-experiences, and all after only a 20-minute consultation, fine. Many of your relatives, Cammy, have likely given up that territory already. I know mine have.

But telling us to believe all of the collective experiences of humankind, in co-evolution with the Cannabis plant, in addition to the literal explosion of basic medical sciences, applied sciences, in vivo, in vitro and in silico-based, peer-reviewed, industry AND public AND governmentally-funded laboratory-generated research published on the subject?

If mom’s going to tell us to believe ALL of that is wrong, Xanax is perfect and Cannabis isn’t medicinal?

Well, we cannot abide.

Future pharmacoarchaeologists studying our culture will be wondering why there appears to have been a very strict anti-drug sentiment on the books, but there were fucking pill bottles everywhere.

Be strong.



*Paracelsus, born 1493, Philippus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim. A double shot of proper espresso goes to the first person who names their child “Theophrastus Bombastus” Anything.
*P-Dogg also named zinc.