Humor

Musicians: Not Special

Musicians: Not Special

Musicians. They’re just not that special. If you’re a musician and you’re reading this, I just blew your fucking mind. I bet nobody has ever dared to even suggest something so ludicrous to you. Here, let me say it again, “Yo dude, guess what? You’re not that special.” First off, let’s identify this tenacious and […]

You Better Feed Me Before You Stuff Me

You Better Feed Me Before You Stuff Me

I have completely lost count of how many times I have either balanced my checkbook or planned my day during sex. A couple times I have actually just boldly asked, “Are you done yet?”. “Why would you ask a question like that?!” He is mildly humiliated but not enough to stop what he is doing. […]

What’s So Gross About Eating Horses?

What’s So Gross About Eating Horses?

Forgive me. I gave up eating red meat over a decade ago. It’s not a sentiment widely understood in the meat lovers’ haven that is Kansas City. Okay. I still eat some fish and I still eat some foul. And I’m not criticizing anyone for their love of steak and bacon. I just personally decided […]

High & Hungry: Flan with Green Tea Ice Cream

High & Hungry: Flan with Green Tea Ice Cream

When I was young, my favorite stoner food was fried mushrooms in butter. I lived in the Midwest and this meant out of the can mushrooms. I still remember the taste. But, my ulitimate stoner treat is flan and green tea ice cream. One night in Scottsdale, I was at trendy grocery store that was […]

Fuck Diets

Fuck Diets

Fuck Bethenny Frankel. She’s a stupid asshole. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, consider yourself a better person than me. That woman’s whole existence is ridiculous– her meteoric rise from the ranks of that toilet of a television show, the Real Housewives of New York to her current role as some sort of […]

Why Cartoons Are Relevant

Why Cartoons Are Relevant

“I like physics but I love cartoons.” -Stephen Hawkings I love cartoons in an almost religiously fanatical way although most people think they are exclusively for children. Kids give you disease, religion fills you with shame and cartoons make you realize that life is wonderful and absurd. Of course, I started with The Simpsons— the […]

Dorita Free2lay’s Five Beauty Essentials

Dorita Free2lay’s Five Beauty Essentials

Kryolan Dermacolor Camouflage Foundations For the tranny who needs some extra help to take down the face a couple notches, the truth is that the Kryolan Derma Color Camouflage System is the only thing that will cover a beard and still look like your real skin after powdering. This is what professional makeup artists use to […]

Stoner Ingenuity: A Cleaning Tip Modified for Stainless Steel Cookware

Stoner Ingenuity: A Cleaning Tip Modified for Stainless Steel Cookware

Like many of my friends, I use rubbing alcohol and salt to clean my pipes and bongs. It is fast and efficient. The alcohol evaporates quickly, so there is no wait time between a clean bowl and a fresh bud. It’s perfect, right?! That said, here’s the story: I have been worried about using pots and […]