New Voices: Mommy Needs a Toke

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PHOTO: Tr0tt3rCreative Commons

Why does mommy need a toke? I was, and still am, angry at the system, my so-called health care providers, my social workers; my government that I was under the impression would take care of me if the need arose.

I needed to vent my anger about how the medical and mental health care system was not designed for the benefit of the patient, but for the profits of big pharma.  How even though the side effects of the drugs they push are clearly evident and clearly dangerous, they still continue to create new addicts every day.  I was angry that even though I find relief for many of my mental and physical health conditions through the use of cannabis, I am considered a “drug risk” and a criminal.

I worked in this system, paid into this system, raised 5 children in this system, and now when I am broken, I am being denied by this system.  I am being judged by this system for the way I choose to treat my conditions, even though I did try it their way and became sicker.

SI ExifBeing that I am bipolar, I don’t often deal well with figures of “authority.”  Call me crazy, but I want to know whose authority?  Is not my personal experience with my own body and my own conditions a position of authority?  Because I can’t conform to their treatment I am therefore not treatable and therefore I am refusing treatment. Wait! Hold the fucking phone! What?

Against my better judgment, I took their drugs and did it their way with terrible results.  With cannabis I could have a quality of life that which the prescription drugs could not provide and in fact actually lessened.

I jumped through their hoops and paid the price with terrible side effects, some of which caused permanent damage.  I still have facial and muscle spasms from the Lamictal prescribed as a mood stabilizer.

I live in New York State.  It is illegal for me to medicate myself with cannabis so that I can function to take care of my kids, provide some pain relief, and allow me to sleep at night.  I’m angry that I live in state that allows opiates, which are highly addictive and have killed thousands of people, to be legally prescribed by doctors everyday, but I can go to jail for consuming a fucking plant.

It truly pisses me off that people cannot see that big pharma has doped up society for years with prescriptions and getting them hooked.  Who benefits from this? I feel like a plebeian being fed prescription opiates and reality tv instead of bread and circuses.

Everyone benefits from the legalization and taxation of cannabis and hemp.  Patients benefit from medicine with no real side effects and plenty of rewards.  The economy benefits from new sources of revenue and an increase in jobs and cottage industries.  It’s obvious to me that it solves a lot more problems than it would ever create.

I found myself becoming angrier the more I learned about how our legislators and leaders are handling the whole issue and how the corruption and suppression of free thought and ideas goes deep.  I needed to know that there were other people who knew what I knew and that someone – anyone – was willing to fucking say something.

Mommy needs a toke so that she can heal her body, mind, and spirit, and have the strength to take the risk to raise her voice and say enough is enough!

I decided through the encouragement of my 3rd son to start a blog to have a forum for expression about how I felt about my experiences with our traditional medical system and to write about my own conditions.  I am not savvy in the way of social networking – twitter is still a bit of a mystery to me – but I thought at the very least it would be a sort of online journal.

MothersLittleHelperWhen considering the title I was drawn to the idea of “Mother’s little helper”.  It made me consider the fact in the 50’s it wasn’t uncommon for doctors to prescribe Valium to settle the nerves.  What the fuck?  Now I’m the one who is fucked up because I’d rather smoke a bowl to help me control my emotions and reduce my stress?  Okay…

I named the blog “Mommy Needs a Toke” because I’m tired of hiding like a criminal.  Cannabis is GOOD.  Cannabis is SACRED.  Cannabis HEALS.  I want people to know the truth and if I have to shock them to do it, so be it.

Because of my physical limitations including psoriasis which is an auto immune disorder that aggressively attacks every organ and joint in the body including the skin and is not a skin disease, I can’t go marching on city hall and be an activist on the streets, but I can use my voice online to condemn the status quo and to stand up for my rights as an American Citizen and demand that my legislators represent my needs and not just those of the 1%.

Who am I?  I’m no one important.  I’m a single mom, 3 kids grown 2 still in the nest, trying to do the best I can to give them the best I can so they can navigate these waters.  I am a patient with a purpose to get as healthy as I can and create the deepest quality of life I can despite the AMA or big pharma or the current laws. I am a solitary witch and practice a form of spiritual unity with nature and I was in that “broom closet” far too long as well.

I’m pissed off that I can’t have safe and legal access to the medicine that works for me.  I’m pissed off that children are needlessly dying because their parents can’t get safe and legal access to the medicine that could save their lives.  I’m pissed off that they have cured something like 34 different cancers with cannabis and no one seems to know or they just don’t care enough to make some fucking noise.

I pissed off that despite my severe physical conditions and my mental conditions that I am still denied the benefits that I paid into for 25 years and I’m entitled to because of my choice of medicine.  I know that I am not alone in this either.  So many people are being denied the medicine and the benefits they deserve.

I decided to channel this anger into the blog and the Facebook page to let my voice be heard.  I hope that it gathers other voices along the way to add their personal “authority” to the collective experience.

Stand Up! Speak Out! End the Prohibition! Every voice makes a difference and I’m going to make mine count because I have had it with this shit.

Now, mommy needs a toke…. and maybe a cookie.