ASTROLOGY: Gemini, Be Patient With The Plebes

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PHOTO: The most important Gemini twins, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen


(May 21-June 20)

You are on fire right now but you have to be careful to be patient with the plebes. Plebes sounds like pubes, but we aren’t talking about your hair (and we hope THAT isn’t on fire!) we are talking about your energy vampires. Don’t let them distract you. Get out there and do what you know you need to do.

(June 21-July 22)

Why couldn’t we be called something cooler? Unicorns, aren’t they awesome? Sure, but they aren’t real. Grab that reality bull by the horns and ride it hard all the way home. It’s time to stop being nice and start getting real.

(July 23-August 22)

Shut the fuck up in public, no one wants to hear it. You are funny sometimes but then you get drunk and it makes no sense. Harness your inner entertainer, not your inner hot mess.

(August 23-September 22)

If you are travelling skip the first toilet you choose, because there is actually a hand in there that will grab your ass as you go #2. Go to the next stall (or idea) and sit there a minute to think. Always make your second and last wipe a wet one even if you have to spit on it your self. Whatever it takes…

(September 23-October 22)

You are the scales. Is anything ever going to be equal? It is always good to seek the closest you can get to equilibrium but never aspire for perfection because it is impossible. Try to live the best life possible and it will be ok.

(October 23-November 21)

Calm the hell down. Yeah…

(November 22-December 21)

Jim Morrison was a Sagittarius, but he would be nothing without Ray Manzarek, so light a candle in that dude’s memory and pretend you are Jim. Say some nice shit. Also, get your kicks before the whole shit house goes up in flames.

(December 22-January 19)

You may like people but don’t do it so consistently outwardly. That is called stalking. Have a little decorum about your admiration. Don’t be annoying.

(January 20-February 18)

Thank goodness for you, you are awesome. You are used to carrying the people around you but sometimes you need other people to carry you. Don’t be afraid to be taken care of for once.

(February 19-March 20)

Sometimes it is hard for you to explain your feelings to others, especially those who are close to you. Try getting drunk before you talk about important things. But only just drunk enough, stop after three and drink some water while you are talking.

(March 21-April 19)

You are obsessed with devouring information right now. You get in these modes where you feel like you must solve all of life’s problems. You don’t have to, but know that you can come close by just sharing your revelations with those around you.

(April 20-May 20)

Venus, what a planet? What color is it again? Awesome. Everything is great. But not too great… stay away from windows and keep a close eye on your wallet.